Social Media After A Marriage Break Up

One aspect that has been a little frustrating with regards to my marriage break-up is our links and common ties with social media, in particular Facebook. I have become a little fanatical about seeing photos of us together and promptly deleted any on my Facebook, but the reality is they were also on his and other people we mutually know. It got me thinking whether I was being a little anal about this whole situation and wanting to pare back my joint social exposure. It's not that the photos are painful to look at, but some of the lovey dovey comments attached to them just don't wash so well when you have been dumped.

So, I did what every good blogger does before writing such a post, and consulted the universe...the wise god Dr Google, and came across this great guide to breaking up on social media which tells me I am not the only one who has been through this. Okay now here are the six steps we all need to know if we are going through a break-up, most of which you will do by instinct if you are anything like me:

Step 1. Address Your Relationship Status:
When my husband said that it was absolutely over for us, the first thing I did on Facebook was change my status to separated, and as suggested in this article I did not make this public. It wasn't a statement I was trying to announce, I just felt that my profile should reflect what I really am and that is well and truly separated. I did go one step further though. When Fathers Day came around and I realised I was no longer a part of the extended family gathering I decided to change back to my maiden name on Facebook. I did not realise I made it public, and of course I received a barrage of concerned comments...but hey at least it was out there. I wasn't hiding it anymore.

Step 2. Erase the most obviously lovey-dovey Facebook and Instagram photos:
Lyndsay Rush suggests a two stage process for this. Stage 1 is to delete all the photos of the two of you, and Stage 2, absolutely any and all group photos of you in love. My first port of call was my wedding photos. I almost deleted the whole album but there are great photos of the kids so now it just looks like I married myself...plus I look good in them, even though the memory of the day is now tarnished.

Step 3: Dig Through Your Facebook Timeline:
I have never been a really big poster so I have not bothered to go back through this. If I happened to say I loved him on his birthday and made it public, so be it. It does not bother me that it's there.

Step 4: Deal with The Friendship Question:
This has been a biggy for me. At the moment he is still my 'friend' on Facebook although I have unfollowed so I do not receive all of his notifications. Sometimes I do think my posts of the boy's sporting achievements are none of his business and apparently I can choose not to share them with him, which is something to consider. But, hey, he can still read my blog to catch up on what I am up to if he really wants to...but I did ask him to unlike Floodproof Mum's Facebook. Just seemed like the right thing to do really.

Step 5: Unfollow on Twitter:
All I can say is....thank goodness I do not use twitter. Sounds like a nightmare to erase their presence from that.

Step 6: Institute Social Media Roadblocks:
I am definitely at Step 6 now. Many of our Facebook friends and family are mutual and it gets complicated when you don't want them to see something you post, or it's not relevant to them, but then your brother or sister (for example only, this has not happened yet) likes it, and because they are his friends too, then he sees it anyway. Phew, does that make sense? Seems I need to do a lot more digging into the privacy settings, cull some unnecessary connections and as Lindsay suggests, asking your connections to do the same. Truth be known, some of my family have already done this.

So, there you have it. Check out Lindsay's article for the full explanation of all the above. especially if you are in this situation and feeling like you are neurotic...I'm sure Paul thought I was crazy getting him to delete all of our joint photos, and it doesn't feel right not to be able to do it yourself somehow.

5 amazing things I have gained from Flood-Proof Mum

Over the past couple of months I have thought a lot about blogging and what it means to me. I had to give it a break for fear of writing too much negativity (and who wants to be known for that?) due to the process I was going through with my marriage breakup. But lately, through contact with the amazing people of the 'blogiverse' I have decided to embrace Flood-Proof Mum and today I am reflecting on the top 5 things that have happened as a result of my blog.

1. Inspiration

I started Flood-Proof Mum in the hope of connecting and sharing stories with other victims of flood. In twelve months I have achieved that and so much more. As well as gaining inspiration from others journeys I have also been overwhelmed by the number of times people have told me that I am an inspiration to them. It is something I never considered and an attribute that I humbly and gratefully acknowledge. It is an amazing thing to think that you inspire others by telling your story but it is a two-way street and that is the beauty of blogging - you can be inspired and inspiring at the same time.

2. Friendship

http://opinionsandexpressions.wordpress.com/2009/12/06/online-friendship/

I never really knew what it was like to have online friends. I have had Facebook for many years but only connected regularly with those I already knew. Blogging is far superior to any form of social media. Through reading others blogs you get to know them (or the self they choose to share with you) and I have met many people whom I consider as kindred spirits with lives parallel to mine. Meeting some of these people in person is an experience I immensely look forward to. But it's not just the bloggers, many of my readers don't blog but share similar interests and I am honoured that we have connected. Thank you all especially for your beautiful and kind words during my sabbatical.

3. Reconnecting

A few months ago I received a text from a very dear friend with whom I had lost touch. Her name is Amanda and she was there with me when Lauren was born 20 years ago, and a beautiful bridesmaid at my first wedding. She found me through Flood-Proof Mum and recognised my photograph. It means the world to me that we will be able to catch up in person after so many years and share stories. I also think it is fate that she has come into my life now. I had to shut down the past couple of months and become a mushroom, it's my way of dealing with things...but I know that she understands, and I cannot wait to share Amanda with my family.

4. Recognition

I never set out to do anything major with Flood-Proof Mum. It is not a blog designed to make money or attract sponsors. It is my personal journey and a source of information on simple living in a flood prone property. It is also a great opportunity for me to hone my writing skills and share stories, so I was absolutely overwhelmed and honoured to have my blog archived on the National Libraries Database. It is now preserved and generations to come will be able to read my flood stories long after I am gone...hence why I did not want to be a misery-guts-woe-is-me blogger over the past month :)

5. Education

When I read my early posts I am always amazed at the array of skills and knowledge I have gained and shared. I have experimented with many simple living and gardening concepts and I so appreciate the fact that I recorded this information to look back on. My personal posts also reflect what I was going through at the time and I have designs to record more memories or memoirs, perhaps in another blog. There is also the wealth of knowledge I have gained from other bloggers, readers comments, and simple living forums. The sharing of information with friends is an experience I treasure.

So, there you have it. My top 5 amazing benefits gained from blogging. I would love to hear about yours if you blog, and if you don't I would love to know what you gain from reading others blogs.

Have an awesome day!

Social Media and Missing Persons

MISSING

It probably comes as no surprise that the first 48 hours when someone disappears, is the most crucial. But, have you ever thought about what you would do if your child or another family member went missing? Recently I received a phone call from the local police wanting to know if one of my boy's friends was staying at our house for the night. His mother did not have our phone number and he had been missing for 24 hrs.

Through Facebook and appealing to friends of friends the boys were able to track down their friend, who had had an argument with his mum, and was staying at his girlfriend's house. Now, that girlfriend's mother probably never knew that this boy's mum did not know where he was. I know because the boys have done it to me too - not staying at girlfriend's of course, but staying at other kid's houses. Needless to say we now have a policy that I have to meet the parents (some of them actually think this is odd?) and talk to them on the phone to ensure the boys are there. Anyway I am now sidetracking....

The reason for this post is to provide some information which I gained from a link mentioned in our local paper. Missing Persons Guide Australia offers some really practical advice on where to start if someone you love goes missing. You can even create a Missing Persons Poster - hopefully you would never need one. They suggest that most people are found in the first 48 hours but damned if I would wait that long before doing anything. This is a summary of the suggested steps to take:

Immediately

• Gather details (physical description, circumstances)
• Report to the police (Missing Person Details Form)
• Create poster and distribute 
• Contact Australian Missing Persons Register (AMPR - Facebook)
• Spread the word - doorknock, email etc

Before doing all of the above, I would obviously try and locate my boys the old-fashioned way - by doing a ring around. After ringing around with no result I would put a post on Facebook. I have seen them many times on our Gympie Buy and Sell pages (these have thousand of members) looking for a missing teen and encouraging people to share. To date, the child always gets found, so I think this is really effective.  I have liked the Australian Missing Persons Register Facebook page...you never know when you may spot someone who is missing.

I found the poster template on this site a little primitive and it saves as a PDF which I have no idea how to share to Facebook. Did you know that your local Officeworks (who have a charity fund) or Courthouse will print your Missing Posters for free? Handy information to know.

First Week

• Create Facebook page
• Create Twitter account
• Store information centrally eg. drop box
• Send a media release
• Contact relevant people and organisations

I would think that if your loved one is missing for more than a few days then all of the above would be handled by the Police, to ensure that all bases are covered. I sure don't want to lose someone for me to find out whether that is the case.

I guess if your child was missing you would automatically assume the worst ie. that they may have been abducted. I certainly would. I am wondering if you know about the awesome app available on the Daniel Morecombe Foundation website. It is called the Help Me App and everyone should have it on their phone.

"The 'Help Me' button sounds a warning and allows you to send off an SMS text to two (2) nominated safety numbers, as part of your Trusted Safety Network. Included in the text are GPS co-ordinates from where the text was sent, so the sender can be located or a last known place of contact is indicated. It also provides a range of helpful resources and assistance that is designed to educate kids and parents on how to keep safe plus keep them up to date on the latest news! It offers safety and assistance for children and reassurance for parents and adults."

For a 99c donation to the Morecombe Foundation it is well worth it! The alarm itself may be enough to scare a predator off.

A serious topic I know, considering I have talked a lot about floods, bushfires and cybersafety lately, I don't mean to be so serious...but when I see something interesting and learn something I didn't know before then I figure others may not know too.

Have you ever had a loved one go missing? What would you do first? (Besides panic!)