Social Media After A Marriage Break Up

One aspect that has been a little frustrating with regards to my marriage break-up is our links and common ties with social media, in particular Facebook. I have become a little fanatical about seeing photos of us together and promptly deleted any on my Facebook, but the reality is they were also on his and other people we mutually know. It got me thinking whether I was being a little anal about this whole situation and wanting to pare back my joint social exposure. It's not that the photos are painful to look at, but some of the lovey dovey comments attached to them just don't wash so well when you have been dumped.

So, I did what every good blogger does before writing such a post, and consulted the universe...the wise god Dr Google, and came across this great guide to breaking up on social media which tells me I am not the only one who has been through this. Okay now here are the six steps we all need to know if we are going through a break-up, most of which you will do by instinct if you are anything like me:

Step 1. Address Your Relationship Status:
When my husband said that it was absolutely over for us, the first thing I did on Facebook was change my status to separated, and as suggested in this article I did not make this public. It wasn't a statement I was trying to announce, I just felt that my profile should reflect what I really am and that is well and truly separated. I did go one step further though. When Fathers Day came around and I realised I was no longer a part of the extended family gathering I decided to change back to my maiden name on Facebook. I did not realise I made it public, and of course I received a barrage of concerned comments...but hey at least it was out there. I wasn't hiding it anymore.

Step 2. Erase the most obviously lovey-dovey Facebook and Instagram photos:
Lyndsay Rush suggests a two stage process for this. Stage 1 is to delete all the photos of the two of you, and Stage 2, absolutely any and all group photos of you in love. My first port of call was my wedding photos. I almost deleted the whole album but there are great photos of the kids so now it just looks like I married myself...plus I look good in them, even though the memory of the day is now tarnished.

Step 3: Dig Through Your Facebook Timeline:
I have never been a really big poster so I have not bothered to go back through this. If I happened to say I loved him on his birthday and made it public, so be it. It does not bother me that it's there.

Step 4: Deal with The Friendship Question:
This has been a biggy for me. At the moment he is still my 'friend' on Facebook although I have unfollowed so I do not receive all of his notifications. Sometimes I do think my posts of the boy's sporting achievements are none of his business and apparently I can choose not to share them with him, which is something to consider. But, hey, he can still read my blog to catch up on what I am up to if he really wants to...but I did ask him to unlike Floodproof Mum's Facebook. Just seemed like the right thing to do really.

Step 5: Unfollow on Twitter:
All I can say is....thank goodness I do not use twitter. Sounds like a nightmare to erase their presence from that.

Step 6: Institute Social Media Roadblocks:
I am definitely at Step 6 now. Many of our Facebook friends and family are mutual and it gets complicated when you don't want them to see something you post, or it's not relevant to them, but then your brother or sister (for example only, this has not happened yet) likes it, and because they are his friends too, then he sees it anyway. Phew, does that make sense? Seems I need to do a lot more digging into the privacy settings, cull some unnecessary connections and as Lindsay suggests, asking your connections to do the same. Truth be known, some of my family have already done this.

So, there you have it. Check out Lindsay's article for the full explanation of all the above. especially if you are in this situation and feeling like you are neurotic...I'm sure Paul thought I was crazy getting him to delete all of our joint photos, and it doesn't feel right not to be able to do it yourself somehow.

Focus on Fermentation Week: Kefir

Funny how the last few fermented foods I have written about are all foreign sounding words beginning with K. Kefir (pronounced ke-feer) is another lacto-fermented product that provides numerous health benefits. I was a little dubious about this one as people had told me it doesn't taste great. I still decided to make it and was pleasantly surprised to find that it tastes similar to yoghurt, and with fruit blended through it (as in the image above) it is actually really refreshing. As with Kombucha tea, the health benefits are astounding and are summarised and explained really well on Imperfectly Natural. 

Here are just a few of them:

1.     Diabetes - because of naturally occurring sugars within kefir, it is a good tool for regulating blood sugar for those who struggle with diabetes.

2.   Kefir boosts the immune system to effectively fight external germs and potential diseases.

3.   Treats digestive disorders such as constipation, diarrhoea, and substantially decreases bloating, wind, discomfort in the abdominal area, and thrush.

4.   Kefir apparently assists with colon cancer, ulcers, respiratory conditions, eczema, psoriasis, acne and diseases bourne from gut dysbiosis (a destructive imbalance of microbial flora which is linked to e.g. inflammatory bowel syndrome and chronic fatigue syndrome).

6.   Kefir is teeming with vitamins and minerals that are easily absorbed by the body such as vitamins B and K, folic acid, phosphorous, calcium and magnesium.

7.   Kefir provides energy by assisting with digestion.

8.   Kefir improves the functioning of the liver, gallbladder, circulation and heart activity. it increases metabolism, oxygen supply to the cells and blood circulation to the brain. 

Phew, I am going to have the healthiest gut in the country at this rate!

As with Kombucha, Kefir also needs a special ingredient to get the culture started. The kefir 'grains' are what you need and they are not really grains, just a special culture that in many European families, is handed down through the generations. I found my grains on Ebay - $3 for one teaspoon including delivery and instructions...how could I not give it a go? This is the plastic bag I received (above).

The white grains stuck to the plastic so I scraped them off the best I could...with a plastic spoon, apparently metal is not good for the kefir.

This is what I ended up with in my glass, a little messy but probably about a teaspoon of grains.

Cover the jar with a cloth or paper towel and secure with a rubber band. Leave the jar on the kitchen bench and the kefir will ferment at room temperature. During winter you can place the kefir on the top of the fridge to ferment quicker. 

Check the kefir every 6-12 hours or so. Once the milk has thickened, the kefir has formed, usually 24-48 hours.  It is a good idea to let the first batch ferment for three days, then I have found subsequent batches are ready every 24 hours.

Another sign that you have kefir is if it tastes tangy and sour like natural greek yoghurt. You then strain the milk and the remaining grains are placed back into the jar and topped with fresh milk…a continual process.

If you want a stronger fermented kefir (with more probiotics) then wait until the floating curds separate with the whey (which stays on the bottom), then mix the two together and drink. 

The interesting thing with kefir is if you place the grains in a larger vessel with more milk, then the grains will multiply, producing a larger quantity of kefir. I am happy with one coffee jar full per day, which is enough for a work-day fruit smoothie and to add to my dishes for dinner. Last night I used it in place of yoghurt in a chicken curry, stirring through last minute. There are some amazing recipes for using kefir if you do a Google search.

So, there you have it...the last post in this current fermentation series, and another gut-busting sensation. Have you ever heard of kefir or do you already make it yourself?

Focus on Fermentation Week: Kombucha

Kombucha is a naturally carbonated, fermented tea. It is made from a starter culture called a Scoby (warning...it is one alien looking culture) and has many health benefits including the following:

1. It boosts the Immune System - because it is fermented it encourages the growth of beneficial bacteria in the stomach and is also rich in antioxidants, which help to strengthen immunity.

2. It is a Natural Detoxifier - The good bacteria that Kombucha promotes aids in detoxifying your gut, and it also supports liver function.

3. It is Rich in Vitamins and Enzymes - Kombucha is rich in Vitamin B which provide support for the body's metabolic functions including overall energy, utilization of carbohydrates, heart health, and healthy hair skin and nails. The digestive enzymes that Kombucha provides breaks down the food we eat into smaller compounds so the nutrients can be more easily absorbed into the bloodstream.

4. Increased Energy and Metabolism - The Vitamin B increases energy and the beneficial bacteria in the Kombucha help your body work better and take the burden off it's functioning.

5. PMS Relief - the Vitamin B vitamins break down and flush out excess estrogen from the body.

6. Relief from Arthritis and Joint Pain - As Arthritis is an immune disorder, Kombucha's probiotic bacteria assists in strengthening immunity.

So, when I read all of this on the leaflet that came with my mail-order Scoby, I knew that this was a fermented product that I just had to try...despite the initially daunting process, which, I am pleased to say was so much easier than I first thought. And the Kombucha tastes beautiful!! The above image shows how my Scoby was packed...taped up in plastic and posted in an envelope.

This image shows the 'starter tea' surrounding the Scoby - it had to have something to live on during transit.

Now, I did warn you...pretty gross looking right? A bit like a deflated chicken fillet.

My Scoby came with instructions to make my first batch by boiling 1.5 litres of water and adding three teabags (organic black tea works best) and 3/4 cup of sugar. Mix until dissolved and remove the tea bags after ten minutes. Then let the tea cool.

Once it is cooled, pour the tea into a glass jar (Scoby does not like plastic) with the starter tea (the liquid the Scoby came in) . I used this one with a tap so that I can easily taste test during fermentation without disturbing the Scoby. You place the Scoby  on top of the tea, seal with a cloth and cover with a tea towel. Then you leave it to ferment.

This shot was taken on day 3.

This was taken on Day 10. If you want a sweeter tea you ferment for a short time, but if you like it bitter then you can brew it for a couple of weeks. Ten days was perfect in this weather. It is slightly carbonated and still sweet. You can just see in the above image that the Scoby has spread out across the full width of the glass jar...and the dark spot is actually....

...A baby Scoby, one that can be given to someone to start their Kombucha. You just peel it off it's 'mother'.

Look how beautiful and clear the tea is. You can just see the bubbles on the edges. My boys said it tasted like beer, but the fermented taste is very mild. You can combine your tea with other liquids such as water or fruit juice for different flavours. Just keep it in the fridge and it will last for several months...if your family don't drink it all first like mine :)

Now, how is that for one weird science experiment? Now that I have more 'starter tea' I am making a full batch of five litres, so in ten days time I can experiment with some new flavours and juices. And all for the cost of $10 for my Scoby, a few teabags and filtered water...a very economical and healthy beverage.

Have you ever made Kombucha before or tasted it?

2014 in one word

Every new year Maxabella Loves invites everyone to set their 'theme' for the coming year using one word. It's actually a difficult task once you really think about it, choosing just one word from so many, but it is also very effective. Instead of making up dozens of New Years resolutions, or even just one, the right word can encompass so many areas of your life...just like that. Short, sharp and simple. I was not part of the blogosphere for the 2013 word but I know that in retrospect my word was 'simple'. This one word encompasses everything I have been working towards over the past year and has enriched my life more than I ever thought was possible. Thank you Rhonda Hetzel from Down to Earth for introducing this way of life to me.

So, the word simple will still be with me in 2014 and for many years to come but I am now well on my way with this journey. In considering my word for this year I jokingly considered flood-free but that is not realistic and is certainly out of my control...a pipe dream.

Instead, the word that keeps coming at me with regards to 2014 is a word that has crossed my path many times this past year, and is always at the back of my consciousness:

Mindfulness

Yes, Mindfulness is my word for 2014. I posted about it earlier this year (What is Mindfulness). It is a practice, a way of thinking about things that makes it so much more than just a word. In summary mindfulness is all about slowing down, taking the time to live in the moment and making a conscious decision to live in the here and now. Doctors use mindfulness to treat anxiety and depression as it involves taking the focus away from the problem...and back to the individual - you, me, ourself. The important part of the concept is the conscious decision...it is all too easy to let things distract us from doing so.

I know this is an important word for me because my job completely took over me leading up to my Christmas break. It is only now, in the second week of my holidays, that I am coming to terms with how debilitating and stressful it was...and the toll it took on me. I love my job, but doing the work of two people takes possession of you, and you find it hard to get yourself back. I was too drained to do anything and let things go, like my fitness, in order to claw back valuable time.

Well, it won't be happening again. I will talk to my boss about getting some help in busy times. I started back at the gym on Monday, and commenced my diet today to lose the three kilos I have gained through lack of attention and care for myself. I have found me again, through embracing simple pleasures like preserving...

...and spending precious time with my family. I will keep mindfulness at the forefront of my mind, and not let it be squashed under the layers of job stress and commitment. I owe it to myself and to my family to be the best person I can be, to be happy and fulfilled...not washed out and drained.

So, there you have it...my focus for 2014 is on me and mindfulness is the key. Everything else will fall into place if I take care of myself first. I have a few ideas of how I can achieve this...and will share when I have sorted them out.

How would you sum up your past year in one word?

Christmas Wrap-Up

There is such a big build up to Christmas, that when it is all over, you can see the kids coming down from their high, but we have settled into an easy pace here at the farm. I have hardly seen the boys without their iphones in their hands, catching up with their friends and playing games. Paul has been busy chrome plating with Cole, mosaic-ing with Georgie and today is tye-dying with Sammy...you can imagine the state of my house, but it is all so much fun and good to do some interactive things with the kids.

The boys and I have been chilling out watching Revolution and Lauren has been spending most of the time with her new boyfriend, Luke. I cook large meals (most times there are nine of us here) late in the day when the house gets a little cooler, and I have got back into the habit of making bread...and avoiding the shops.

My hampers turned out well , although I ran out of time to cook everything I wanted to ... and it has been way too hot to use the oven. So next year, I will start a little earlier with the baked goods. The family loved them, especially the preserves and chutneys sourced with ingredients from our farm. You can't beat that.

Paul was really thoughtful and bought me a Fowlers Vacola which I am really keen to try. It is basically a large water bath and the beauty is that the temperature is relatively controlled. I can now preserve fruits and pickled vegetables. It comes with special jars (which are very expensive and well sought after secondhand) but I have done research and can use others. I will report back on my results.

He also bought me a box of these jars with screw on lids. When you make a jam or relish you make sure the jar and the filling are hot and then tip upside down for fifteen minutes. When you turn it back the right way a vacuum is created and the lid pops in, just like a commercial jar. This probably works for all jars but is something I never knew until I read the instructions. I am making a list of yummy things to make and ingredients to shop for at the markets tomorrow.

Green Living Australia

I always love how one thing leads to another. I have been saving my glass jars for the past six months and now have large collection, but with preserving it is important to use new lids. I had no idea that you could buy lids for supermarket jars...until I read someone mention it. A few Google searches later and I discovered my ultimate online shop -  Green Living Australia. I had a gift of $100 from my dad for Christmas so I lashed out and bought something which will help me do something I have had my heart set on for a while:

Hard Cheese Kit - Green Living Australia

I bought a Hard Cheese Kit! Sounds weird huh? But I get everything I need (except for the milk) to make twenty kilos of cheese including:

Large Curd Cottage Cheese
Feta
Farmhouse Cheddar
Colby
Monterey Jack
Gouda
Cotswold
Leicester
Ricotta

Lauren's boss makes her own cheeses. including camembert, so I will be able to get some pointers from her. Apparently this kit suits beginners who have never made cheese before. I have always wanted to make cheddar as we use 1-2 kilos per week with hungry teenage boys. I can probably source the ingredients individually but a kit to start with will do me just fine...including the instructions. Green Living Australia also have amazing tutorials...yoghurt is next on my list.

I can see that some of the things on my holiday list will not get attended to...oh well, holidays are to be enjoyed and plans can always be changed.

I hope you have had a wonderful Christmas at your place. I would love to hear about it.

Have you ever made cheese before or used a Vacola?

Thank You Kindred Spirits

I drove home from work today, my eyes barely open, my mind distracted and probably still sitting at my desk. I felt guilty, neglectful of my blog, yet lacking the brainpower to physically devise something worthwhile writing about. I felt like an all day sucker, those hard balls we'd buy from the vending machines as kids, turning the gold handle and holding our hands underneath to catch it. Just one ball that you would suck the life out of all day, until it was colourless, soft and ready to chew. Yep that sums up me right now!

Image Credit

Don't get me wrong, I love my job. My boss is my second dad and I love working with him. But when it gets too busy it gets stressy. If I make a single mistake I could be the cause of someone not moving into their home before Xmas...thank goodness I have not made one yet. But just the thought of it, and the process of doing everything right, has really sucked out my mojo this week...yeah baby.

Mojo

So, that's where you come in. I threw my bags down, disappointed that my hubby who is on holidays did not cook dinner, and annoyed...no, let's be honest, pissed off, that the boys had used every dish in the house and not even unpacked the dishwasher! I went to the fridge, grabbed a cold glass of champagne from a bottle I had hidden behind the lettuce, and decided well, stuff your dinner, I am gonna log on and check my blog - which I have neglected since Tuesday IBOT (and was kind of thinking that I was no good at it anyway because my confidence is down). I am so glad that I chose that moment to ponder life in front of an LED screen. Why? Because Cheryl  pointed out that we are kindred spirits!

Kindred Spirit

Kindred Spirits are two people that make a special connection by sharing a bond that has joined them by the means of an experience that has drawn them together on a higher level of consciousness. This connection can be from the same experience at the same time or two separate experiences similar in nature. Cheryl and I often comment on similar experiences, and seem to like the same things...plus I am on the same journey she was a while ago...and I love that insight and connection I have for someone I have never met.

That's when I realised what blogging is all about. I started this journey because I wanted to help people who had been flooded, to offer knowledge and advice,,,and counselling of sorts. But what I have realised is that what I get back from the people I have met means so much to me...it is equally, and if not more so, important that the message I am trying to share. I have met so many kindred spirits, like Cheryl...and here are just a few of them:

Going Grey and Slightly Green

Nanna Chel, who I connected with straight away. She took a novice blogger under her wing, showed her the ropes, and has a beautiful blog herself.  The things I am trying to achieve, and the experiences I am going through, she has already done, or wants to try as well. Nanna Chel, you are like an aunt or mother, a soft soul, whom I know would be a great friend should we ever meet.

Renee from Mummy Wife Me who writes so eloquently and comments so insightfully that I feel I know her. I admire her gracefulness and gentleness with her children. She takes me back to when my kids were little.

Essentially Jess

Jess, from Essentially Jess who surprises me with her quirky way of thinking, and so many times I can relate to that on so many levels. Sometimes I just need to see the world from your point of view, and embrace life from a different angle. I relate to the deep level of your thoughts and the process that gets you from there to the pages of your blog. 

Have A Laugh On Me

Emily, from Have a Laugh On Me, who makes me smile, but who is also so very down to earth and just about brought me to tears with her comments today, wishing my family a Merry Christmas, embracing my tradition of croissants, and offering the xx after her comments. I can so imagine us getting very tipsy with a bottle of champagne one day....albeit balancing the glasses on our keyboards.

With Some Grace

Grace from With Some Grace, with her cheeky twin boys, the look in their eyes so similar to my own twin boys. I so relate to her experiences with them, and know what she has to look forward too....OMG Grace I feel for you...just jokes, well, maybe :)

Bake Play Smile

Lucy from Bake Play Smile, who I met so early on and who has supported my blog...and tempted me with so many beautiful cakes...wow that white Rocky Road...bad woman. You are my evil (in a good way) kindred spirit :)

One Mother Hen

Alicia from One Mother Hen...definitely a kindred spirit through our gardening and her encouragement in the early stages on my blog... your help was amazing and invaluable. Without you I would not still be doing this.

There are so many more wonderful souls I have met as I approach my three month anniversary ( I will have to do a follow up post!), my initiation into the world of blogging...and I know now that if I ever feel down, I just need to reach out and someone will be there...real or not, to offer some sort of comfort or advice to a complete (or maybe not so complete) stranger such as me.

Or....I can wait for my husband to come home and share his Christmas shopping hoard:

A string of Pink Flamingo lights for our niece Megan...now who thinks of that?

Merry Christmas!

Oh...and kindred spirits I used the photos from your blogs so if you would prefer me to remove them just let me know. It just made more sense to show your faces/covers rather than just a link but I don't know what the etiquette is here :) Still a newbie.

Christmas Spirit

Christmas Spirit

I have been thinking about Christmas Spirit lately. Probably because my husband, Paul, said the other night that he was not looking forward to Christmas, that he could do without it, that all it meant to the kids was requests for what they wanted. Granted we have three teenagers each, so the requests for 'stuff' are out there, with no magic or fluffy Santa stuff. What I really want to know is....has he lost the Christmas Spirit? And, what exactly is that...how do you define Christmas Spirit?

I asked my family and friends this question and the general consensus is that Christmas Spirit is something that we find within ourselves (our heart) that enables us to show gratitude towards, and caring of, others. It allows us to be more giving of ourselves, to believe in magic, to have faith and to appreciate our families. It is about the giving, and not the receiving (this obviously did not come from my kids) of presents. Christmas Spirit is the antithesis of 'bah humbug' Scrooge and his disbelief in all things Christmas.

Putting the religious aspect aside (ie. the celebration of the birth of Christ), shouldn't we be finding this Christmas Spirit within ourselves every day? I know plenty of people that do, and unfortunately, far too many people that will never find it. It's a choice isn't it? Like mindfulness, one needs to be aware of the fact, and actually notice, that they should be a giving and caring person, and not self-centred...I know at times that I don't always see, or am aware of,  those in need (outside of my family) because I am busy working and raising my kids. It's not because I don't care, on the contrary, I do.

Someone (not sure where I read it) wrote that there is less Christmas Spirit now, that this generation is lacking in it. The unknown writer is on Paul's side, and maybe there is something in that. I know that when I was a kid, you never asked for anything for Christmas. There were no lists and my parents would have been offended if you asked for anything. It was okay to whisper it to Santa but my parents never knew...and rarely delivered my wish...but that was okay. I wondered at the motorbikes that my cousins got when we got Barbie dolls and books, and thought that I must have been a bad kid to not warrant such extravagance. It's a hard thing to explain as a parent.

However, aside from the above, what I want to share is the Christmas Spirit that I have felt and seen in Gympie lately. There are some amazing people and groups here who embrace and embody exactly what I feel the Christmas Spirit should be (or look like):

Gympie Library Donate a Book

The Gympie Regional Library assisted the Salvation Army with their appeal to donate books to kids for Christmas. Over one hundred books were donated to children in need.

Adopt a Family

Many businesses in Gympie (including my office) donated presents to an adopted family instead of doing a Secret Santa or Kris Kringle.

J Smith and Sons Christmas Appeal

This showing of Christmas Spirit just floors me. A local business employing 67 staff closed it's doors two weeks ago after fifty-plus years in business. The staff were left without pay before Christmas. So what do the amazing people of Gympie do? They organise an appeal to help the families out. Priceless.

The Victory Church organise food hampers worth over $100 to families in need for just $25 over Christmas. No family should do without Christmas dinner. They also organise a lunch on Christmas day where the pastors also attend.

These are just a few examples of Christmas Spirit...the giving, sharing, caring...that I have seen in my home town. Are you humbled by Christmas Spirit?

What does it mean to you?