Tuesday, 5 November 2013

Baby Brain Without The Morning Sickness

Have you ever got to the point in your life where you have seriously, and I mean without-a-doubt-total-conviction kind of seriously, sat down and questioned your own sanity? I have, and can recall those three sanity-questioning moments with absolute clarity. Especially this morning when I realised I had lost my wedding and engagement rings!

The first sanity-questioning moment happened was when I was heavily pregnant with Lauren and had a lovely time shopping for baby clothes...until I couldn't remember where I parked the car. After taking the lift to every level, walking up and down the aisles convinced I was going to go into labour and deliver my baby in the back of a pristine, never-been-on-a-dirt-track 4WD, I burst into tears. How crazy was I that I could not remember getting out of the car, let alone where I had parked it? I finally rang my husband to tell him the car had been stolen...and the grey cloud that filled my head suddenly parted, bringing clarity, well actually a business card in my handbag ...the car was being serviced at KMart on the other side of the complex. That's where I had parked it.

The second time was, of course, when I was pregnant with the twins. I worked in a bank back then doing mobile home loans. For the second half of my pregnancy I was not permitted to drive (so, no danger of losing my car again). Even if I wanted to drive, I couldn't reach the steering wheel and pedals by then anyway. I did have to train a new staff member to take my place. Thankfully he was a father to five children so he understood perfectly when I would stop mid-sentence, smack bang in the middle of explaining something. For the life of me I could not recall what I was going to say, nor what I had just said...complete blank. Momentary insanity...or baby brain I was told it was called.

Well, I am certainly not pregnant again, but today I had my third baby brain, sanity-questioning moment. A few months ago my doctor told me that I am in pre-menopause, a state which can last 10-15 years...OMG!!...when the time of the month comes it is just like being pregnant...and old all at the same time. I woke from a dream this morning where I had lost my wedding and engagement rings...only to find that when I rubbed my ring finger they were indeed gone!! I checked my jewellery box and beside the bed, but had this awful foreboding feeling that I knew they weren't there before I opened it...surely I would remember if I took them off and put them there? Any sane person would...sane...not me. So, they must have fallen off, right?

Even worse, with the cold dread creeping up into my stomach, was the thought that I could not remember when I looked at them last. Now not only was I insane, but a terribly bad wife as well. How could I not notice my precious rings or put them in the beautiful box Paul bought me.

No matter how hard I tried to focus or concentrate...nothing came...blank, zippo. I made dough last night, maybe they came off then? Nope, sour dough bread now torn in pieces. I thought of explaining to everyone that I had lost my wedding rings (because otherwise people would assume I was having marital problems, right?)...me, the newborn super-organiser...the looks I would get, irresponsible, how could she? Her wedding rings...that is bad, really bad. I know Paul would understand but you can't replace the ring he placed on your finger when he said those special words.

When I got home from work I was obsessed with finding them. I psyched away the fog brain and put my mummy radar on. After all, I am the one who finds things, not the one who loses them.

An hour later, with dinner half cooked and my bedroom torn apart...I lifted the lamp beside my bed...

and then I did this:

That's how the boys found me...crazy, yes! Insane, no. But I will make sure those precious rings go in my jewellery box if I ever dare to take them off again...which I doubt will ever happen.

Have you ever lost something precious and then found it again? Dread and euphoric relief all rolled into one crazy day.

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