20 Years A Mum and 20 Years Without One

This is my beautiful mother, whom the kids and I affectionately call Nanna Kerrie. Lauren was four months old when she died suddenly at 45yo, and the twins were born four years later. It hit me this week, when I was getting a little tired of all the driving around that being a single mother of teenage boys brings, that I have been a mother for a staggering 20 years. Any wonder some days it's tiring. However it also hit me that I had also been without my mother for 20 years, a huge number of years filled with so many unshared memories. So today, on the anniversary of her death, I thought I would share a few photographs and stories...for my family to look back on and cherish.

My mother, like my daughter Lauren, was always very girly. Although I did hear stories of her swinging from willow trees in the creek with her five brothers, even from an early age she loved to dress up and don a frock.

I especially love this photo and the vintage of the boy's cars. Mum looks pretty determined to race with her pram in the middle.

She was only 5ft tall and very petite when she met my dad at sweet sixteen.

My Dad was a mad golf enthusiast. Love these pedal pushers and classic 60's hairdo.

Lauren wears her hair a little like this and looks very much like her. Mum met my dad when he was on leave from the bank in Port Moresby and they had a long distance love affair, writing to each other and planning a future together. I kind of brought that future closer for them...

...they had to marry sooner because of me. Mum was 17 and my dad was 20. I remember asking Mum why she looked so sad in this photo and she told me she loved my dad but was not ready to get married and have babies. But there were very few options available at the time, and they were madly in love. I remember them being very happy and affectionate and after an argument my dad would always bring home flowers or a gift.

I remember she would spend hours at the dressing table teasing her hair and applying makeup. She loved to look her best when Dad came home from work.

 Along came Tanya in 1967, nearly seven months after they married. Mom told me she used to sticky tape my ears to my head when I was a baby so they would't grow sticking out. I must say they are nice and flat, but I must have looked rather silly...and her. My kids ears grew just fine without the tape lol.

A rare colour photograph of my mum and dad...is that a golf club he is holding? Mum always complained of being a golf widow but I knew she was very proud of him. Dad was very talented and had tournaments most weekends. He was always bringing home trophies and prizes.

Mum went on to have three more children. My brother Mark was born 18 months after me and then they had Aaron who was born with downs syndrome. Following from Aaron was my sister, Krishna, seven years my junior and an absolute blessing to my mum after Aaron passed away when I was 7. I don't think my mum ever got over the loss of Aaron and she lost her father around that time too. She had Poppy's sense of humour and a 'daffyness' which is one of the things I loved most about her.

In her late twenties she took a part-time job as a waitress at a motel where she met Colin and had a scandalous affair. He was a travelling salesman who sold Addis brushes and she left to move with him to Sydney. We stayed with Dad. I was 12 and my sister was only 4, not yet started school. Apparently she wanted to take us but the family would have no part of it. Fair enough too, who knew what sort of life we would have in Sydney? Despite her leaving I have cherished memories of the time spent with my dad. This is Mum and Colin's wedding photo and I think they were married for about five years. She told me she always regretted leaving my dad and to never leave the father of my children because she could not go back. She used to send me postcards every week from Sydney and I still have many of them. She was on an adventure and living a life that she didn't get a chance to before she married.

A prized photo. Four generations of Steel women. I think I was 16 here. Ghastly purple dress I am wearing but Princess Di had a similar one so it was all the rage...along with the fluffy 80's hair.

When Colin's job transferred to Adelaide I went with them, as I had moved to Sydney to be with mum. Actually I was a rebellious teen and Dad did not know what to do with me after I threw a party behind his back (fair enough too!), so he sent me to live with mum...best move ever. Mum and I grew really close (besties) and when she broke up with Colin she met Peter, and they married soon afterwards.

Love this photo of us three girls. Guessing I am 17 here and my sister 10. Mum would have been about 34. She always wore her hair up from about this age as she was balding. Hormonal the doctors said or maybe a result of all that teasing. She always told me it was because she had children.

This photo was taken a few months before her death. She married Robert when she was 45, just after Lauren was born. It was a beautiful wedding and she was truly happy with Robert. They lived in Newcastle and bought and restored antiques which she loved. It was while he was out on a buying trip early one morning, that mum passed away in her sleep of a congenital heart disease she never knew she had.

Another favourite photo taken a few months later at my brother's wedding. Mum is holding Lauren and we were both captured wiping tears from our eyes. This is the last time I saw her one month before she died. I am so thrilled she got to meet Lauren and I have a few wonderful cards she wrote to Lauren that survived the floods which I have shared with my children...love from the grandmother they never knew.

She would be very proud to know that she has seven wonderful grandchildren and her three kids are all doing well. I am proud that I can pass on her legacy to mine. She was a gorgeous, loving woman and I truly believe that she was meant to start her family so early so that she would see us grown up and meet two of her grandchildren before she died.

Love you Nanna Kerrie xxxx

5 amazing things I have gained from Flood-Proof Mum

Over the past couple of months I have thought a lot about blogging and what it means to me. I had to give it a break for fear of writing too much negativity (and who wants to be known for that?) due to the process I was going through with my marriage breakup. But lately, through contact with the amazing people of the 'blogiverse' I have decided to embrace Flood-Proof Mum and today I am reflecting on the top 5 things that have happened as a result of my blog.

1. Inspiration

I started Flood-Proof Mum in the hope of connecting and sharing stories with other victims of flood. In twelve months I have achieved that and so much more. As well as gaining inspiration from others journeys I have also been overwhelmed by the number of times people have told me that I am an inspiration to them. It is something I never considered and an attribute that I humbly and gratefully acknowledge. It is an amazing thing to think that you inspire others by telling your story but it is a two-way street and that is the beauty of blogging - you can be inspired and inspiring at the same time.

2. Friendship

http://opinionsandexpressions.wordpress.com/2009/12/06/online-friendship/

I never really knew what it was like to have online friends. I have had Facebook for many years but only connected regularly with those I already knew. Blogging is far superior to any form of social media. Through reading others blogs you get to know them (or the self they choose to share with you) and I have met many people whom I consider as kindred spirits with lives parallel to mine. Meeting some of these people in person is an experience I immensely look forward to. But it's not just the bloggers, many of my readers don't blog but share similar interests and I am honoured that we have connected. Thank you all especially for your beautiful and kind words during my sabbatical.

3. Reconnecting

A few months ago I received a text from a very dear friend with whom I had lost touch. Her name is Amanda and she was there with me when Lauren was born 20 years ago, and a beautiful bridesmaid at my first wedding. She found me through Flood-Proof Mum and recognised my photograph. It means the world to me that we will be able to catch up in person after so many years and share stories. I also think it is fate that she has come into my life now. I had to shut down the past couple of months and become a mushroom, it's my way of dealing with things...but I know that she understands, and I cannot wait to share Amanda with my family.

4. Recognition

I never set out to do anything major with Flood-Proof Mum. It is not a blog designed to make money or attract sponsors. It is my personal journey and a source of information on simple living in a flood prone property. It is also a great opportunity for me to hone my writing skills and share stories, so I was absolutely overwhelmed and honoured to have my blog archived on the National Libraries Database. It is now preserved and generations to come will be able to read my flood stories long after I am gone...hence why I did not want to be a misery-guts-woe-is-me blogger over the past month :)

5. Education

When I read my early posts I am always amazed at the array of skills and knowledge I have gained and shared. I have experimented with many simple living and gardening concepts and I so appreciate the fact that I recorded this information to look back on. My personal posts also reflect what I was going through at the time and I have designs to record more memories or memoirs, perhaps in another blog. There is also the wealth of knowledge I have gained from other bloggers, readers comments, and simple living forums. The sharing of information with friends is an experience I treasure.

So, there you have it. My top 5 amazing benefits gained from blogging. I would love to hear about yours if you blog, and if you don't I would love to know what you gain from reading others blogs.

Have an awesome day!

Thank You Kindred Spirits

I drove home from work today, my eyes barely open, my mind distracted and probably still sitting at my desk. I felt guilty, neglectful of my blog, yet lacking the brainpower to physically devise something worthwhile writing about. I felt like an all day sucker, those hard balls we'd buy from the vending machines as kids, turning the gold handle and holding our hands underneath to catch it. Just one ball that you would suck the life out of all day, until it was colourless, soft and ready to chew. Yep that sums up me right now!

Image Credit

Don't get me wrong, I love my job. My boss is my second dad and I love working with him. But when it gets too busy it gets stressy. If I make a single mistake I could be the cause of someone not moving into their home before Xmas...thank goodness I have not made one yet. But just the thought of it, and the process of doing everything right, has really sucked out my mojo this week...yeah baby.

Mojo

So, that's where you come in. I threw my bags down, disappointed that my hubby who is on holidays did not cook dinner, and annoyed...no, let's be honest, pissed off, that the boys had used every dish in the house and not even unpacked the dishwasher! I went to the fridge, grabbed a cold glass of champagne from a bottle I had hidden behind the lettuce, and decided well, stuff your dinner, I am gonna log on and check my blog - which I have neglected since Tuesday IBOT (and was kind of thinking that I was no good at it anyway because my confidence is down). I am so glad that I chose that moment to ponder life in front of an LED screen. Why? Because Cheryl  pointed out that we are kindred spirits!

Kindred Spirit

Kindred Spirits are two people that make a special connection by sharing a bond that has joined them by the means of an experience that has drawn them together on a higher level of consciousness. This connection can be from the same experience at the same time or two separate experiences similar in nature. Cheryl and I often comment on similar experiences, and seem to like the same things...plus I am on the same journey she was a while ago...and I love that insight and connection I have for someone I have never met.

That's when I realised what blogging is all about. I started this journey because I wanted to help people who had been flooded, to offer knowledge and advice,,,and counselling of sorts. But what I have realised is that what I get back from the people I have met means so much to me...it is equally, and if not more so, important that the message I am trying to share. I have met so many kindred spirits, like Cheryl...and here are just a few of them:

Going Grey and Slightly Green

Nanna Chel, who I connected with straight away. She took a novice blogger under her wing, showed her the ropes, and has a beautiful blog herself.  The things I am trying to achieve, and the experiences I am going through, she has already done, or wants to try as well. Nanna Chel, you are like an aunt or mother, a soft soul, whom I know would be a great friend should we ever meet.

Renee from Mummy Wife Me who writes so eloquently and comments so insightfully that I feel I know her. I admire her gracefulness and gentleness with her children. She takes me back to when my kids were little.

Essentially Jess

Jess, from Essentially Jess who surprises me with her quirky way of thinking, and so many times I can relate to that on so many levels. Sometimes I just need to see the world from your point of view, and embrace life from a different angle. I relate to the deep level of your thoughts and the process that gets you from there to the pages of your blog. 

Have A Laugh On Me

Emily, from Have a Laugh On Me, who makes me smile, but who is also so very down to earth and just about brought me to tears with her comments today, wishing my family a Merry Christmas, embracing my tradition of croissants, and offering the xx after her comments. I can so imagine us getting very tipsy with a bottle of champagne one day....albeit balancing the glasses on our keyboards.

With Some Grace

Grace from With Some Grace, with her cheeky twin boys, the look in their eyes so similar to my own twin boys. I so relate to her experiences with them, and know what she has to look forward too....OMG Grace I feel for you...just jokes, well, maybe :)

Bake Play Smile

Lucy from Bake Play Smile, who I met so early on and who has supported my blog...and tempted me with so many beautiful cakes...wow that white Rocky Road...bad woman. You are my evil (in a good way) kindred spirit :)

One Mother Hen

Alicia from One Mother Hen...definitely a kindred spirit through our gardening and her encouragement in the early stages on my blog... your help was amazing and invaluable. Without you I would not still be doing this.

There are so many more wonderful souls I have met as I approach my three month anniversary ( I will have to do a follow up post!), my initiation into the world of blogging...and I know now that if I ever feel down, I just need to reach out and someone will be there...real or not, to offer some sort of comfort or advice to a complete (or maybe not so complete) stranger such as me.

Or....I can wait for my husband to come home and share his Christmas shopping hoard:

A string of Pink Flamingo lights for our niece Megan...now who thinks of that?

Merry Christmas!

Oh...and kindred spirits I used the photos from your blogs so if you would prefer me to remove them just let me know. It just made more sense to show your faces/covers rather than just a link but I don't know what the etiquette is here :) Still a newbie.