Saturday, 15 March 2014

A line in the sand

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Have you ever reached that stage in your working life where you just snap, stamp your feet and shout "That's it?"

That's what I did at 3am this morning, after waking up stressing about things I had not completed yet. I drew a line in the sand, a decisional line which I will not cross over. I need to do this, before I really do snap and explode, which I feel I am on the verge of...either that or finding a corner in which to bury my head and cry (and that is so far out of character for me, that it's comical).

At times I love my job, but I cannot handle the volume of it at the moment. I am a conveyancer for a law practice, which means I handle the legal transaction in the buying and selling of houses. What used to be a relatively straightforward process has now become a nightmare, as banks outsource their business to external companies. These companies, or settlement agents, don't care if it settles on time...even though they work and are paid for by their bank. They have a job to do. So we are constantly pushing and shoving to try and get a transaction through on time, while people are waiting with their removalist trucks ready to move in. Sucks when you are the bearer of bad news, especially when it is out of your control. It never used to stress me out, but I am feeling it now.

Add to these complications, an increase in volume of 50% due to a property boom here, and shortness of staff, and you end up with a situation where you feel you are drowning. This job has waves of it, like just before Christmas when it happened again. When you know you can't catch up for weeks, and are behind the eight ball every day...your enthusiasm for work is non existant...and that's when you need to draw that line in the sand, because what you are feeling about work spills over to your home always does. Weeknights I am not the fun, happy soul I usually am - I am too stuffed to hold conversation and just want to hide away and not make any more decisions.

So, it's funny for me that I would choose this forum to express my frustration, as I have always been conscious of what people think (and who may see this that I know), but writing it down does sometimes help. It's also that factor of law of attraction type stuff, putting it out to the universe so that something else will come along. I think I would be ready for such a change, although the security of seven years in a familiar environment and the benefits that are associated with that (flexibility, long service, accrued sick leave, friends) are hard to overlook.

I know that this wave will crash in a week or so, and I will rise to the surface again, as things slow down and work returns to a more manageable do I keep paddling? Or has the damage been done because I am dreading the next time it will happen, which is a certainty. I think I have my answer, either I change the situation I have or I find another one. Life is too short to be spending so many hours of it in a place where you are losing yourself. My simple life journey has shown me that...and I am loving my weekend life at home. Now, I just need to work towards finding that balance.

How do you know when it is time to change? Where do you find the courage to explore new avenues?

Have you ever felt like this, or am I just being melodramatic or pre-menopausal?

Weekend Rewind
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